Funny Quoted

Funny Quoted Definition

Source(google.com.pk)
”How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!’” - Unknown
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” - WillRogers
“Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.” - José Maria de Eça de Queiroz
”Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong” - Unknown
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” - Brian Gerald O’Driscoll
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go” - Oscar Wilde
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” - Abraham Lincoln (paraphrase from the Bible, ‘Proverbs’ 17:28)
“The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.” - Unknown
“The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.” - Albert Einstein
“I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.” - Unknown
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.” - Bill McGlashen
“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” - Marilyn Monroe
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets” - Al McGuire
“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” - Mark Twain
“Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?” - Unknown
”If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.” - Sam Levenson
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” - Earl Wilson
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” - Albert Einstein
“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.” - Will Rogers
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright
”Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.” - Unknown
“If evolution is fact, why do mothers only have two hands?” - Milton Berle
“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” - Unknown
“I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.” - Unknown
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” - Robert Frost
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” - Zig Ziglar
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” - Emo Philips
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” - Bob Hope
“A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying ‘boy was that fun.’” - The Maugles
“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” - Isaac Asimov
“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” - Barbra Streisand
“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” - Harry S. Truman
“We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.” - Unknown
“If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.” - Unknown
“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” - Jack Nicholson