Random Quotes Funny

Random Quotes Funny Definition

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Men are like steel; both are worthless when they loose their temper.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well, I have others.it is the nuts that make the tree worth shaking.
The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.
I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another.
The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so.
When you get to my age life seems little more than one long march to and from the lavatory.
Last night the creative juices were flowing but today I am merely a vast wasteland of random thoughts.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn't work very well.
He believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job.
Little men with little minds and little imaginations go through life in little ruts, smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error.
Character is determined more by the lack of certain experiences than by those one has had .
An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
The human race has only one really effective weapon, and that's laughter. The moment it arises, all our harnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either.