Cool Funny Quotes

Cool Funny Quotes Definition

Source(google.com.pk)
-Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.
-The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
-The road to success is always under construction.
-When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
-If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
-After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
-Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
-A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
-Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
-I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
-I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places
-Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
-You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'
-Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
-One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
-He's so lazy that if there were work in bed, he would rather sleep on the floor.
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?
'he ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.
I know the voices in my head aren't real..... but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.
Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.
'The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.
I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.
'I think I like something, but I'm not sure what?
The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing.
what you're already doing.It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
I consider myself a crayon, I might not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.Unger, didn't you serve under Oveur in the Air Force?