Drunk Quotes Funny

Drunk Quotes Funny Definition

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I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill
Morning, May, Ugly
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Ernest Hemingway
I have been brought up and trained to have the utmost contempt for people who get drunk.
Winston Churchill
A man's true character comes out when he's drunk.
Charlie Chaplin
It's useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office.
Shirley MacLaine
When kids hit one year old, it's like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit.
Johnny Depp
An American monkey, after getting drunk on brandy, would never touch it again, and thus is much wiser than most men.
Charles Darwin
If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
Mitch Hedberg
Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
Isaac Asimov
It is time to get drunk! So as not to be the martyred slaves of Time, get drunk; get drunk without stopping! On wine, on poetry, or on virtue, as you wish.
Charles Baudelaire
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Dean Martin
You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.
Ray Bradbury
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns
Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.
Lord Byron
Modern morality and manners suppress all natural instincts, keep people ignorant of the facts of nature and make them fighting drunk on bogey tales.
Aleister Crowley Bacchus
A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
Ambrose Bierce I've been drunk for about a week now, and I thought it might sober me up to sit in a library.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
He is a drunkard who takes more than three glasses though he be not drunk.
Epictetus
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates
on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
P. J. O'Rourke
Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus.
Ozzy Osbourne
'My country, right or wrong' is a thing no patriot would ever think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying 'My mother, drunk or sober.'
Gilbert K. Chesterton It is the hour to be drunken! to escape being the martyred slaves of time, be ceaselessly drunk. On wine, on poetry, or on virtue, as you wish.
Charles Baudelaire
The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.
William Butler Yeats
One thing I hope I'll never be is drunk with my own power. And anybody who says I am will never work in this town again.
Jim Carrey
Statistics are used much like a drunk uses a lamppost: for support, not illumination.
Vin Scully Nobody can write the life of a man but those who have eat and drunk and lived in social intercourse with him.
Samuel Johnson
Grant stood by me when I was crazy, and I stood by him when he was drunk, and now we stand by each other.
William Tecumseh Sherman