Retirement Quotes Funny

Retirement Quotes Funny Definition

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Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.
Anonymous

A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
George Bernard Shaw

Retirement to me does not mean nothing to do but the realization of the decisions I made in the past. That I made in my life.
Jack Bowman

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit . . . retire!
Groucho Marx

I feel like early retirement is an incredible gift. It's a gift that everyone should give themselves.
Anonymous

Lord Tyrawley and I have been dead these two years, but we don't choose to have it known.
Lord Chesterfield

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
Abe Lemons

I'm retired - goodbye tension, hello pension!
Anonymous

Don't simply retire from something; have something to retire to.
Harry Emerson Fosdick

When I retire I'm going to spend my evenings by the fireplace going through those boxes. There are things in there that ought to be burned.
Richard Milhouse Nixon

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five, I still had pimples.
George Burns

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
Gene Perret

Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials - much to live on and much to live for.
Anonymous

We have no porch, no rocking chair - and no time. My biggest need is a calendar because there are so many things to do. Now I encourage people to retire - the younger the better.
Maurice Musholt

Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did.
Malcolm Forbes

Age (and retirement) appear to be best in four things - old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.
Francis Bacon

As to that leisure evening of life, I must say that I do not want it. I can conceive of no contentment of which toil is not to be the immediate parent.
Anthony Trollope

No longer having to punch a time clock is my definition of retirement. That way I could do what I want - when I want - anytime I want.
Brooky Brown

There are so many other interesting ways to spend your time. I feel like early retirement is a gift, but it's such an incredible gift. It's a gift I need to use.
Martha Felt-Bardon

The money's no better in retirement but the hours are!
Anonymous

I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.
Anonymous

Retirement is surely one of those times in life when you get a second chance to being free again, after student life got over. Make sure you make the most of your retirement days!

People who refuse to rest honorably on their laurels when they reach retirement age seem very admirable to me.
Helen Hayes

It was the labor movement that helped secure so much of what we take for granted today. The 40-hour work week, the minimum wage, family leave, health insurance, Social Security, Medicare, retirement plans. The cornerstones of the middle-class security all bear the union label.
Barack Obama

As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything. If you do, you're screwed.
Drew Carey