Quotes That Are Funny

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Quotes That Are Funny Definition

Source(google.com.pk)
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Lana Turner
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Bill Cosby
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Steve Martin
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Mark Twain
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Mark Twain
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Isaac Asimov
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.
Oliver Herford
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
Buddy Hackett
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Benjamin Franklin